MY STORY:
Traveling has definitely enriched my life
and not the least transformed me to the core of my being
throughout all the experiences I have had.
Have I ever known where I was going??!!
Not once!
… even when I thought I did, I had no clue
what adventures would be provided for me.
I followed my Highest Inspiration,
and had no idea that this was what I was doing,
because I had so many judgements coming at me
from my root family members,
for choosing my way;
for living the way I was guided to by my spontaneous choices
following my Inspiration in the moment ...
despite all the criticism, I still knew, I had to do what I had to do
even if it meant
being doomed and resented and judged and rejected and blamed.
The way I perceived my life growing up was
"damned if I do, damned if I don't,
so I have nothing to loose following my heart's desire."
Family and friends,
they usually want you to stay and perform your life
the way you have been influenced to by them and
for you to continue to live the way they are used to perceiving you,
expecting you take the responsibility and continue fulfill
everybody's wishes and limited dreams for you, whether you like it or not ...
It is a matter of safety for others, that you stay in their box of perception;
when a crab tries to leave the box of confinement
all the other crabs try to pull it back down
into their safety of confinement.
Fears of change, fears that the world as it is known
can be shattered and redesigned by one person and put everybody else
in a box where the old rules don't apply.
The Renegade,
breaking the rules and leaving the "safety" as it has been defined,
usually gets blamed for causing pain for the ones "left behind",
that willingly choose the box,
that is perceived as safe within its
limitations and lacks and rules of safety.
The boxed in way of Life,
where the belief systems are defining a way of life constricted and
walled in by fears around survival and fears of death and power over,
with feelings of powerlessness and helplessness.
You may be doomed as the scape goat by other humans ...
if you dare climb the walls and go for the unknown,
leaving everybody else behind to themselves.
It all started many decades ago in a small town of Finland
at the time, ca 5.000 people.
Finland, the land of the thousand lakes,
situated between Russia and Sweden …
I was not a happy child, from my point of view,
I had a difficult time accepting and surrendering
to all the rules and regulations,
that I felt haunted me and I felt made me a villain in my own home,
that I was told I had to follow and fulfill.
If I did not, I was reprimanded, which happened all too often.
As a result I remember I used to sit and look up at airplanes
and state to myself "one day I'm going to be up in the skies flying"
I escaped into books, and stories about other cultures,
I red through the shelves in our library …
until I chose to live the stories myself.
I created eyes of the owl,
seeing through the darkness of the night,
reading when I was supposed to sleep.
My first trip took place when I was around 15-16;
I was singing in the church choir, the only place I was not ridiculed
for wanting to be involved with music,
(nobody was viewed as good enough to be musical in our family)
and we were invited to
go on an tour to Sweden.
The ship that transported us across the Baltic Sea took ca 4 hrs,
so there was plenty of time to explore.
I met my first real "other culture person".
A guy from India and his friend from Malaysia
traveling and studying roads in Europe.
Still remember his name, I was excited beyond excitement.
We stayed with families that offered housing and did our tour.
On our last day, we were given free exploration time ...
and out of the blue I and a friend stumbled over our friends
from the ship, as we were doing downtown Umea and
before returning to Finland.
My friends and I decided to explore the city and its outskirts,
we had so much fun, so
my choir friend and I missed the buss to the ship and I was thrilled,
they had left without us.
We took a cab and raced, way passed the speed limits,
to the harbor and arrived sliding on two wheels,
honking and shouting out to get attention.
The ship was about 100 yards out already ...
It put in reverse and came back to pick us up and
we were tossed over the reeling to the ship;
I still remember the three feet of open water underneath me
… all the decks were packed with travelers watching,
the priest and the choir leader in the forefront thanking God
for the return of the lost ones, haha, so much fun.
Felt a little taught shame, but was so excited for the adventure ...
Little did I know I had explored,
what would be my new home turf for the next three decades to come.
I went to school and trained myself to be a hair stylist,
the closest I could get to being a creative artist and making money
from my skills, accepted by my family and community,
as having a real job.
I personally saw it as a ticket to freedom …
Everybody's hairs are the same I figured, just different,
like cultures and people, within the diversity of humanity.
After my graduation I felt very lost for a few weeks …
I was ...
in fear that I would not have the courage to change my life and
leave the confinement of the box I was born into,
the box I couldn't stand, because of the lack of freedom;
in fear that I would upset the people that were not interested
in who I wanted to be at all, or in any of the things of life,
that made me smile,
just interested in keeping me within the frames, rules and regulations of
the life that was known to be all, that was to be expected from life.
After my graduation, that nobody really cared to celebrate,
I went to our summer house by myself to
find out if I had the courage and if I could find the direction
in what to do with the rest of my life.
Did I believe I would??!
No, but I had a vague hope and a desire that I would,
I just knew I could not continue the life that I was taught to live,
I knew that if I did it would kill my spirit, possibly my physical self,
I was suffocating from all the obligations of life.
One morning after Summer Solstice I had had enough of my situation,
I woke up and got dressed and
took my graduation papers and went on the road.
I put my thumb up in the air and
went into the city to the unemployment agency
and asked them to fax all my papers over to all the cities along
the coast line of Sweden and I surrendered the results and asked
the Universe to show me if it was meant to be.
I told nobody, my little secret adventure,
and went back to our Summer house.
One week later my parents came over with a letter.
The letter contained a message,
that told me that I had a job as a manager for a hair salon
outside Umea, Sweden, all housing taken care of.
I was to be
stationed and ready to begin my position in three days,
on the 1st of July.
I guess I had to tell my secret,
and be surrounded by the drama anticipated!
I survived and it just made me more determined
when I heard the BS,
that had confined me all my life being poured over me.
What had put me down before, now made me stronger and more clear
in my determination to change my life.
My New Life,
my journey designed by my wholesome self started …
In my mind I told myself that I can always return to Finland
if it is not the life that I dream of or even like ...
For four hours I stood on upper deck of the ship and
practiced the sounds and intonation of the swedish language,
I had learned to know through TV,
to be able to be understood and
for me to be the best and all that I could be …
starting the next day with an (every day) full calendar of hair clients …
All happened so fast I did not have time to even feel intimidated
by the challenge of managing a 30 year old salon,
by myself, newly graduated, one month prior.
The graduation that nobody paid attention to
was life changing for me ...
to be continued …
with Love and Peace in Joy,
Morayah
I welcome you to also visit:
www.santafespirit.com
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